As I see the way my baby girl is growing and changing, I can't deny that I'm growing and changing too. As she crawls (well more like drags right now) I can't help but reflect on the fact that I'm finally, truly dragging myself out of the haze of new motherhood. It's usually a new pregnancy that jolts me out of the baby haze (I have wonderful pregnancies, not a ton of baby brain, although I'm pretty prone to random naps), but for the first time in a long time I'm finding my energy again. I knew this was the case when I woke up and saw the rain and actually regretted that the ugly weather would be keeping me in.
For the past 8 months, I've only left my house under duress. I was too tired, too busy, and just too unfocused to deal with to deal with the requirements of managing four kids in public. At home, where life is familiar, I'd developed a rhythm centred entirely around our new baby girl. Necessity was the name of the game. I would do anything I could to make sure that the most I'd have to do was clean my main level to have friends over, and at the beginning I tried to restrict that to one or at most two days a week. On the weekends when my husband was home things were a bit more social, but even then it was mostly just to visit either my folks or his. The only new friends I made was through our young parents Alpha group.
As I looked at my schedule this week (shocking enough that I have a schedule), I realised I only have one solitary day to spend at home being anti-social in my yoga pants. I've managed to integrate two regular playdates every week (one is a follow-up to our Alpha group that's a playdate with an opportunity for us to discuss the struggles of living our faith in the world) and a standing playdate I have with a friend I met at our Alpha group. Every Thursday we either go to meet my husband at work or spend the afternoon with my Mom. This week I have two extra playdates thrown into the mix and I must say I'm very pleased with this arrangement. Add to that the fact that I've been walking down to the store to pick up all our groceries lately and have made a concerted effort to take them out to the field for a run around and I'm pretty sure the TV is feeling pretty lonely. At night I've even found myself energetic enough to read through a few books that were on my list.
I don't know how long I can keep up with this level of energy, but for now I'm going to relish in it. The juggling it takes to manage so many kids in public can be pretty stressful (please big boy, stop running away in parking lots, I'm going to lose my mind), but it's worth it. As I feel the fog lifting from my mind and the lead melt out of my bones, I feel refreshed, ready and want to make the most of life with my four precious blessings. It took me 8 long, dark months to get to this point, but I'm grateful for the journey and the destination.